


The Way I Loved You

by feminines



Series: The Way I Loved You [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward Romance, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bisexual Sirius Black, Eventual Romance, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Good Lucius Malfoy, Gryffindors Being Gryffindors, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Multi, Nice Peter Pettigrew, Punk Sirius Black, Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw Reader, Severus Snape Being a Bastard, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29614425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feminines/pseuds/feminines
Summary: It’s important to note that Sirius Black has a codependent relationship with heavy eyeliner. It’s the seventies, okay? You should see his flares.
Relationships: Lucius Malfoy/Reader, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Reader, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Way I Loved You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175804
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Architecture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s important to note that Sirius Black has a codependent relationship with heavy eyeliner. It’s the seventies, okay? You should see his flares.

"Sirius, shut up," I sighed from the furthest corner of the Hogwarts library. I heard a snort and looked up in irritation at Sirius Black, who was assembling a house of cards, across the large table where we sat.

"So this is what muggles do for fun?" he asked, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth in steady concentration.

"Not really," I muttered. "Only if they’re a glutton for punishment."

He didn't seem to notice and he carried on as if I hadn't said a word. "Whoa, Clover, look how tall it's getting. I'd make such a good muggle.”

"Sirius, I've got to finish this by this afternoon," I said, desperately trying to focus on my transfiguration homework.

"I know. It’s dull," he replied, adding another card.

“You didn’t need to come with me,” I said sharply.

He looked up for a moment at what I was doing. "What are those things? Ink-less quills?" he asked, ignoring me as he nodded towards the pencils I had scattered around.

"They're called pencils," I said, my tone getting gradually sharper as I lost more precious time not studying. "Sirius, can we please just focus on our own things? Silently?"

He motioned zipping his mouth and opened it again to swallow the imaginary key.

"If you can open your mouth to swallow the key, it's not very well locked."

He frowned. "Huh. You're right."

I took a deep breath and focused my attention back to my homework.

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a dragon?" he asked suddenly.

"What?"

"A dragon," he muttered, concentrating on his next card.

"Sirius, I mean it, I've got to finish this."

"Sorry."

I reluctantly looked up as his tone changed. He sounded like a puppy who was told to stop bothering someone. But he was a puppy bothering someone. I sighed. "Carry on."

He grinned. "Well, wouldn't it be so cool," he said, his face lighting up.

He sat back in his chair and carefully avoiding his tall castle of cards, he kicked his feet up onto the table, crossing at the ankles.

"All you'd have to do all day is breathe fire and be cool," he began. “And you could just breathe fire onto every Death Eater and then boom, world saved.”

“The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters,” I broke in. “It's not that simple.”

“Sure,” he said sarcastically. “But dragons— So you could save the world just like that and then so easily protect everyone you care about because you'd be huge— and you’d get to breathe fire while doing it," he said, putting his hands behind his head. "You know, you’re kind of exactly like a dragon egg.”

“Please don’t say that’s the end of that sentence.”

“You’re exactly like a dragon egg because you’re all hard shell on the outside but then on the inside, there's a little tiny dragon baby," he cooed, pinching his fingers together. "Also, you'd make a mean scramble on toast if I got peckish.” He flashed a wink at me and mimed cracking an egg and flipping a muggle pan.

I smiled despite myself and shook my head at him.

"So, you know how to use a muggle cooking utensil but claim you don't know what a _pencil_ is," I narrowed my eyes disbelievingly while he smirked and added another card.

"Maybe I just love when you explain the subtle complexities of muggle life to me," he said dreamily.

I closed my books in defeat and tucked everything away into my bag, pulling it onto my shoulder as I stood, and waited for Sirius to do the same with his own unopened books and to disassemble his cards.

"Are you not going to put them away?" I asked as he walked away from the table with the castle in tact.

"Nah, I want to show the others later," he said with pride shining in his eyes.

I smiled while he was looking away.

"So, what do you think?" he asked, looking up from his creation.

"About what?"

"Dragons," he said, beginning to walk.

"Uh, you'd make a good one?"

We left our remote corner and quietly removed ourselves from the silent majority of the library, and made our way out into the hallways.

He huffed. "I guess I'll save my dragon talk for James."

“Seriously, please do.”

“Siriusly?” he snickered.

“I hate you.”

* * *

The walk to Ravenclaw Tower was a long and cold one. I reached the entrance to the common room, shivering under my robes, and rapped the eagle knocker twice as it came to life:

"What is at the end of a rainbow?" the bronze emblem whispered coarsely.

I paused. Nothing? I opened my mouth to hazard a guess, until I remembered a joke Remus had told me a week earlier. I rolled my eyes.

“W.” I said dryly as the door swung open.

As I crossed the threshold, relishing in the warmth of the Ravenclaw common room, I wondered what a typical Gryffindor would have pitched to the sly keeper of our tower. Sirius would definitely go with 'a pot of gold' and get more and more annoyed at the door each time it denied him entry with the same answer, and then he'd probably attempt to kick it down with his old and worn leather school shoes.

I laughed out loud at the image as I shrugged my bag off my shoulder and lowered myself into a cushy blue armchair next to the window, taking in the views of the grounds and watching the tiny dots of students strolling and running all over the green grounds like little ants.

I stayed there for a while, finishing my transfiguration homework when finally a welcome distraction disturbed me.

"Clover."

A girl who looked like a second year, with auburn hair and freckles scattered over her round face, stood behind me expectantly. As I turned towards her, her face split into an adorable grin as she said, "Hi! I was looking for you. We don't know each other, but I wanted to ask you about your friend James Potter."

I internally rolled my eyes and asked, "Oh? What about him?"

She blushed. “Well, I know I'm only a second year and he's a fifth ye—you're a fifth year— you're both fifth years—" she was stumbling over her words and growing a deep shade of scarlet.

I smiled. "I think I know what you're going to say," I attempted to put her out of her misery, noticing how she had gone an even deeper scarlet. "But Potter already likes someone. Lily Evans. A Gryffindor. His crush on her is quite infamous around our year." Her face fell. "But I have another friend, his name's Peter. Do you know him?"

I left the common room after a long conversation with the girl who I forgot to ask the name of, and wandered down to the great hall to escape her.

Reaching the Great Hall, I found my seat at the Ravenclaw table next to my closest friend, Zoe, who smiled warmly as I approached her and reached across several plates to get me a slice of cake, casually putting it before me as I sat down.

"You're an angel," I smiled gratefully.

"It's just cake," she laughed. "But you're welcome." She threw me a wink and continued her conversation with the boy on her right, as I dug into my cake. After washing it down, I stood to leave, swinging my legs over the bench before even checking my surroundings in the busy hall. Stepping back, my back slammed into something warm and solid that let out a surprised 'oof' as we collided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If that seventies show was a romcom


	2. The Archer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Eligible Bachelor Number Two: Remus Lupin! Don’t let this guy’s reserved nature fool you into thinking he’s a shy guy, this one’s an animal! And not just because he turns into a wolf once a month! With a weakness for chocolate and a penchant for libraries and quiet study rooms, Eligible Bachelor Number Two is everyone’s cup of tea! Unless you don’t like tea, which may be an issue. Watch out for this guy’s unassuming charm and wolffish grin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn’t read that in the voice of the Magic Mirror from Shrek, get out, I don’t know you.
> 
> And go watch Shrek.

"Remus! Oh! Hi! Sorry!" I stammered. My composure completely obliterated as I realised who's body I'd pushed myself up against.

He looked down at me, eyes widened and lips parted as he in turn looked between me, his outstretched hand, and directly below his hand at the floor.

"...Remus?" I asked, unsure what was taking him so long to come to. Had I really knocked him that hard? He was a full two heads taller than me and much broader, I couldn't imagine that he hardly felt much of it at all...so why was he looking so shaken? I frowned.

"Remus? Anybody home?" I looked from his forlorn face, to his chest directly in front of me, to his arm which was still outstretched, and to his gaze on the floor... where I saw the true victim of our collision.

A triple chocolate muffin lay on the ground with an enchanted chocolate sauce fountain laying broken beside it.

I bit my lip to hold back a laugh. I knew not to come between my friend and his chocolate obsession. Pursing my lips together and biting the insides to keep from laughing at his dramatic response, I fought a smile.

"Rem," I said softly.

He took his gaze away from his ruined desert and looked at me, breaking his solemn remorse to appreciate the humour of the situation. The glint in my eyes and the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth giving me away, he smiled with a sigh and shook his head before saying, "Well, bugger."

"I'll get you another from our table, come on," I grinned, taking his arm and leading him away from the chocolatey mess on the floor. "Some fancy Ravenclaw food. Maybe it'll even make you smarter," I teased, pulling a bigger smile out of him.

"Oh? But it can't be that good as it's all you eat, isn't it?" he joked with the softness to his voice that he reserved only for me.

"Oh okay, Wolfie, I guess you're just going without then. Sucks for you, mate, so sorry about that," I retorted before reaching over the heads of some Ravenclaws to grab two muffins á la the chocolatey mess between the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tables. "What were you doing over there, by the way?" I asked, handing him one of the muffins.

He thanked me and ignored my question so I took a bite of my own while I waited for his answer.

As in typical Remus Lupin fashion, he walked beside me, taking a prolonged amount of time mulling over a very simple question and choosing his words carefully, to deliver the most thoughtful answer appropriate to a situation. I'd learned that the longer he took, the more value he placed on the situation. Knowing this made his pause quite considerable.

"Well, I was looking for you actually, and it seems I found you at the loss of another very dear to my heart."

I rolled my eyes as I barked out a laugh and swatted his chest with my free hand, turning to face him as he slowed to a standstill.

"Are you not going to ask why I was looking for you?" he slowly smirked, to which I looked away quickly, and feigned nonchalance, taking another bite of my muffin.

"Nope. Figured you'd get there when you get there." I quipped.

"I see."

“Why? Did that not go the way you were expecting?” I smirked.

“Usually you ask a lot of questions.”

“Ah, but I’ve got to spice things up sometimes. Keep you on your toes.”

“I’m practically on ballet pointes,” he said dryly with a smile.

I shook my head. “Okay, I’ll bite. Is something bothering you, Rem?"

He took a deep breath as if to answer, but shook his head, smiling down at me. “It’s just getting close to the you-know-what.”

“Oh, same,” I said. “Isn’t it funny how chocolate helps us both on our times of the month. It’s like I’ve got a cycle sister.”

He grimaced in reply. “What is it with you and Padfoot, honestly.”

“Oh, did he say the same thing about the two of you?” I gushed.

“Something similar,” he murmured.

“My imagination’s running wild. Me and Paddy need to have a chat,” I grinned.

"Anyway," he said, with a glint in his eye, all former worries discarded for the while, and as I looked up at him all worries of my own for him melting under his gaze, watching the dark flecks floating in those hazel brown eyes, which were remarkably complex in colour and tone and-

I realised I had been looking for too long and that technically what I was doing could be called staring.

I blushed furiously and looked away.

"Clover," he smirked down at me, his eyebrow arched, looking at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded to him in what was hopefully a nonchalant way.

“Are you okay?”

“Smashing, thanks. You?”

He seemed to suppress a laugh. “Did you finish the Transfiguration homework?”

I groaned. “Don’t remind me. I finally managed it after hours of Dog Breath distracting me.”

He raised an eyebrow again. “Sirius? How?”

“Oh, please. You know it’s not a how. It’s never a how. He can turn anything into a distraction.”

“Was this when he built the house of cards in the library?”

“So he showed you. Yes. The very same house of torment.”

“How long did it take him to do it? He told us it took ten minutes.”

“Try two hours,” I scoffed.

“I see. I appreciate the intel, Catina,” he winked.

I blushed. Why did I blush? Merlin.

“Don’t be too mean to him. It was really cute. He was so proud of himself.”

He watched me for a moment. “You see him too, don’t you?”

“See him? Has he been a ghost all of this time and you’re only now telling me?”

“You see past the front, I mean. Past the bravado and the smirk—“

“And the eyeliner.”

“And the eyeliner. You see him.”

“Of course I do. I’m not blind.”

He smiled softly. “Most people are.”

“Hm. Well. Love how you knew I was talking about Sirius with ‘Dog Breath’, by the way.”


	3. Transfiguration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transfiguration with Minerva Mcgonagall- the true star. The Main Character. The OG Kitty Girl. The boogie-body-rocking queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, a RuPaul reference in a Harry Potter fic. Now bring back my girls.

“Hey, Kitty,” Sirius’s voice rang out as we stepped into the Transfiguration classroom.

Peter and James looked up towards us.

“Hi, Clover,” Peter grinned.

“What about Lupin?” asked James. “Is he just the escort now?”

“Yes,” Sirius and I said simultaneously, our eyes meeting in shock as we realised what we’d done.

“See what I mean,” Remus whispered in my ear, making me shiver.

“If he knew he was everyone’s favourite it would go to his head,” Sirius said to James. “We need to keep him humble.”

“We’re doing him a service,” I chimed in as I threw my bag onto my desk in front of them.

“Without us, he’d be too perfect,” Sirius grinned. “On his way to head boy, strutting around the corridors—“

“Like you and Prongs?” Peter interjected.

“We do not _strut_ ,” James said defensively.

“Speak for yourself,” Sirius replied cooly, leaning back in his chair. “I strut.”

“He’d have the world at his feet,” I picked up where Sirius had fallen, grinning at Remus, whose cheeks were a little pink. “He’d be insufferable. He needs us to keep him from becoming Padfoot.”

“Hey!” Sirius yelped, eyes widening. “We were in this together!”

“Please,” I said dismissively, lowering myself into my seat. “I’m my own man.”

“You’re literally not a man,” James pointed out. “At least...” he turned to Remus. “That’s right, right? She’s not a bloke, right?”

“Oh, if only,” Sirius sighed.

“How should I know?” Remus replied to James. “Maybe ask her, she’s an inch away from me.”

James turned to me with a pointed look.

I raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” I smiled and turned around in my seat to face front.

Remus snorted beside me and Sirius cleared his throat before saying, “Oh, by the way, Prongs, I wanted to ask you about dragons.”

I felt Remus turning away from the conversation behind us and nudge me when he was too facing front.

“Attention class. Mr Potter and Mr Black, if I could have the privilege of your time,” Professor Mcgonagall’s voice broke into the chatter scattered room, silencing all but the two sat at the back.

“You may, Minnie,” Sirius winked.

“Don’t make me deduct house points, Mr Black.”

Sirius smirked and with a glint of respect in his eyes, bowed his head slightly in compliance.

Mcgonagall turned to the blackboard behind her and continued. “So, as you know, you have your O.W.L.s coming up, and unfortunately for me and my free time, I will be needing to meet with each of you outside of class hours to discuss your career prospects.”

I heard Sirius whispering excitedly to James behind us as I glanced at Remus, whose attention had strayed from Mcgonagall. He was looking at the ground by her feet at the front of the room, frowning slightly.

“Hey,” I nudged him. “You good?”

He flinched and glanced at me sharply before his face relaxed and his shoulders softened. “Sorry. I was somewhere else.” He gave me a small smile and focused his attention back on Mcgonagall, who was writing exam prep on the board.

“Miss Catina, if you would like to stop staring at Mr Lupin and focus instead on preparation for your upcoming exams, that would be most helpful for your education.”

Sirius and James howled behind us and my face burned. I looked away quickly but not before I saw the pink in Remus’ cheeks.

She wasn’t even looking at me, her back was turned and she had been looking at the board.

As if reading my mind, Sirius whispered over to me, “That woman has eyes in the back of her head.”

“Then why couldn’t she have seen you throwing screwed up pieces of parchment at Peter?” I turned in my seat to snarl at him.

“Miss Catina!” Mcgonagall said sharply. “Turning around to chat with Mr Black is not exactly an improvement from staring at Mr Lupin. I’m sure those boys are absolutely enchanting, but your exams are what are important. And if you need any more incentive, I have no issue with taking house points from Ravenclaws, in fact, it might just be what I need to make my day a little better.”

“Sorry, Professor,” I muttered, scowling at my open book.

“Thank you. And Mr Black, I’d also appreciate it if you would stop throwing things at Mr Pettigrew,” she added with what sounded like a smirk in her voice.

* * *

“Clover, you can speak now.”

“Can I? Because she can hear everything,” I hissed.

“We’re supposed to be discussing what we want to do when we leave,” Remus assured.

“Yes, but we never stick to topics. One minute it’s class discussion and the next we’re hatching plans of world domination. I’m not losing house points by talking to you. As enchanting as you are, house points are more important,” I said with a pointed look at Mcgonagall who was looking down at something on her desk, but I could have sworn she smiled slightly.

“World domination?” he smirked.

“Oh, shut up.”

“So,” he cleared his throat. “What will you do when we leave? Marry Lucius Malfoy, move into Malfoy Manor and corrupt his bloodline with your tainted blood?” he teased.

“Stop,” I giggled. “You’re going to lose my house points. This is a set up.”

“So, that’s not the plan then?”

“And bail on you like that? Never.”

He laughed once and looked away.

“Hey,” I whispered. “Do you want to do something later, just us?”

“Had enough of the rockstar and the jock?” he murmured with a smirk.

“Never,” I smiled, glancing at them over my shoulder. “We just never spend anytime just us like we used to. Also, you forgot the pothead,” I said, looking over to Peter, who was sat across the room next to Frank Longbottom.

“I didn’t. Wormtail’s not like the others. He can’t be grouped into the ‘have you had enough of them’ group. And weren’t we ‘just us’ when we were walking to class together, less than an hour ago?”

“No, that doesn’t count. We had a purpose. We were going somewhere. We used to just sit together and do nothing. I miss the way we are without the... well, you know.”

He didn't look at me as he smiled down at his paper in front of him and said, “I think that’s a good idea.”

I watched him smiling down at his work I felt the familiar feeling of butterflies awakening in my stomach.

 _No, not like that,_ I told myself. _Not Rem. Anyone but Rem._

My heart sank in realisation.

_This is a problem._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every other chapter has a song name as the title, with a song that goes with the feel of the chapter but I have no idea what song fits this chapter, so here were are. Songless. I’d call it Kitty Girl but I’m a serious writer. Also that’s a lie and I just don’t want to ruin my aesthetics by calling it Kitty Girl. But I think we know it’s really called Kitty Girl.


	4. State of Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to when Clover met Rem and a little backstory on Who Is Clover? (Besides being a little gem.) Clover is a Ravenclaw who likes books more than people and food just as much as books. But not at the same time. Crumbs or grease in or on books? Satan’s work. 
> 
> ‘No reading at the dinner table. Unless it’s an emergency.’ —Clover Catina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You come around and the armour falls... I’m sighing wistfully. Warning, cuteness ahead!

Four years earlier, I sat with the other wide eyed first years on one of many small boats gliding across the Black Lake towards Hogwarts. I knew nobody during my first few days after being sorted into Ravenclaw and decided to not make friends with the other members of my house. Or any other house for that matter. Anonymity in such a vast castle was something I was looking forward to and wasn't willing to give up easily.

My first week at Hogwarts was magical and enchanting and I grew to enjoy the peace of exploring the huge castle by myself. I discovered secret passageways behind statues and small hiding places inside walls containing aged letters and books and old parchment with what seemed to be student made spells and incantations. Being alone and unknown I found I could slip into the shadows without being noticed or observed. I began to feel a familiarity with the grand building, almost as if it were a living breathing thing, full of so many secrets that I couldn't wait to find out.

During my fourth week, I was late to charms due to exploring a hidden room in the west towers. By the time I finally made it to the east side of the castle, I raced up the staircases to the third floor, red faced and anxious. I paused outside the classroom to collect myself, before stepping inside.

As in typical late to class fashion, the blue robed students and the red robed students all collectively turned their attention to me at the door, where stood as I apologised to Professor Flitwick, explaining (with a few omissions) the reason for my tardiness. The Head of my house smiled and kindly told me to take a seat.

I quickly scanned the room, searching for an empty seat, when my eyes landed on the empty space next to the only student who hadn't turned around as I walked in. I sat beside them and put my bag on the table, emptying out the things I needed for the lesson, one by one.

When my bag was safely beside me on the floor, the Gryffindor next to me was looking with their head down at my muggle pencil case I'd sat in front of me on our shared desk. I looked at the tawny hair, searching for a glimpse of a face below it, as they said, "You're a muggle born?"

"Half," I replied.

"Me too," he said, looking up at me, pushing the soft brown hair out of his eyes. Golden. Warm.

"I'm Clover," I said.

There was something about him that called out to something in me. Maybe this would be my first friend at Hogwarts.

He smiled kindly at me and introduced himself.

Remus.

* * *

Soon after meeting Remus I started considering charms as my favourite class at Hogwarts. The first conversation we had he didn't say much. Perhaps he knew I wasn't used to talking to people very often in the new school but he made me feel like that was okay. Somehow without knowing him, I felt comfortable simply being in his presence. He didn't need to say anything at all. There was something about him that I was drawn to.

Each class I'd offer more conversation, growing more curious about knowing him and before I knew it had happened we had a whole friendship inside the walls of the charms classroom. I was starting to feel like I'd always known him, forgetting a time where I didn't. And in a way, that itself made me feel quite vulnerable and exposed. I found myself almost wishing I'd never sat beside him that day.

Two months into Remus and I’s new found friendship, we started meeting in the school library. At first coincidentally, and gradually we made plans to meet there every Wednesday and Sunday; where we studied together and he'd help me with my potions homework, which he excelled at. He was my only friend at Hogwarts for most of my first year. I didn't know much about his friends, or if he had any close friends for that matter- but everyone seemed to like him. He wasn't quiet as such, but he watched more than he spoke. He observed those in the spotlight instead of being in it himself. He was kind and funny and it wasn't hard to understand why everyone liked him.

"You know," I said as we sat in the Great Hall together. "This is the first time we've ever hung out outside of class or the library."

"It is?" he asked, looking up surprised after digging his fork into a slice of quiche.

I hummed a yes.

"I could have sworn we've done this before."

"Nope. This is our first time eating together," I said, picking up a piece of bread. "Big first date energy.”

He laughed through his nose and took a bite of his food.

"Aren't your friends going to miss you?" I asked, looking towards the Gryffindor table.

He shook his head. "They are actually in detention right at this moment. Professor Mcgonagall."

I raised my eyebrows in slight judgement.

"They kept making cat puns all through Transfiguration," he explained. "I did not, so here I am."

"Like what?"

He fought a smile as he thought about his friends. "Honestly, not even anything that creative, just your usual 'purr' and 'paw' puns."

"You're kitten me. That’s so immature."

He raised an eyebrow as he looked at me with surprise and something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. "Not you, too."

"I'm hiss-terical," I said, taking another bite of my food.

He groaned. "You can stop now."

"Stop meow?"

He stared at me for a moment and looked away carefully before taking a big bite of his quiche. "I'm glad we met," he said after taking a sip of water.

I faltered slightly and I looked at him with eyes a little too wide as my mind raced with how to play it off nonchalantly.

He swallowed his next bite and said, "I just wanted you to know."

I just stared at him as he carried on eating, not looking at me. Maybe I didn't need to play it off. Maybe I could just say 'you too' and be honest in a casual, devil-may-care way. He'd know the feeling was mutual and it wouldn't be the end of the world if he knew I liked him because I hadn't been _too_ vulnerable, just as vulnerable as he had been. But somehow between my brain and my mouth, I didn't say that.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"For liking you?" he laughed once, but watched me a moment longer before looking away.

I watched as a piece of food fell from his fork, onto his plate and he stabbed it back on. "Yes," I whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I neverrrr saw you comingggg and I’ll neverrr be the sa-a-a-ame.


	5. Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clover Catina (aka. Nobody Witch), meets Lucius Malfoy and gets off on the wrong foot while she’s preoccupied thinking about her new bestie who’s definitely just a friend. And some secrets are revealed in the Astronomy tower. Others are not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The houses in this class technically stray from canon but I choose to believe that Slughorn read the list of students in each class and thought, ‘Yeah, no.’ and crossed off names and swapped them into another class to make his favourite class more interesting. And that’s what happened here.

"Greta." I watched Remus as he said her name and Greta Catchlove stepped towards him under the dim lights of the Potions classroom. 

I lifted my chin defiantly and turned to my own partner. I smiled up at him.

"I'm terrible at potions," I admitted as I tried to block out the sound of Remus's voice. "So you'll have to bare with me."

He returned a thin lipped smile. "Slughorn likes me. It really makes no difference if you’re absolutely incompetent. We’ll be fine either way,” he said and then briskly walked away before I could reply. Not that I would have said anything. But the opportunity would have been nice. 

I took a deep breath and turned my attention to the book in front of us, searching for what ingredients we needed. But I could hear Greta laughing at something Remus was saying. I gritted my teeth and tried to focus on the words in front of me.

I didn’t choose to partner up with Remus. I didn’t want him thinking I was too attached. We had only been friends for a few months. I didn’t want to be more interested in out friendship than he was. I’d already been too vulnerable. It was still weird calling him a friend. I didn’t  _do_ friends. 

_ I don’t do  _ people, I thought to myself. _But it’s good. I’ve now set the tone that I don’t need him. I’m not dependent on him. It’s fine. It’s good,_ I thought. _I’d much rather be alone._

“Are you actually going to read that or do you intend to simply stare blankly at it for the entirety of the lesson?” my partner, Lucius, was beside me again, breaking into my thoughts.

I looked up and scowled. “I was _thinking_ ,” I replied sharply. “It’s this thing you do to exercise your brain.”

He pursed his lips. “Some do need more exertion than others.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “Funny. And here was me thinking you were just a brainless blond with peroxide seeping into your brain.”

He blinked slowly. ”And here was I, thinking you were a nobody witch, with no manners and a shocking lack of friends for such a redeeming quality ,” he replied lazily. “Ah, wait... I still think that.”

My smile faltered.

”Actually, that’s not entirely true,” he continued, not looking up from the book. “This is quite literally the first time you’ve ever even entered my consciousness, so I didn’t think anything at all of you.” He flashed me an icy smile. “But it made for a nice rebuttal, didn’t it?”

My heart sank slightly but I forced my smile wider. “Can we get on with our work now?”

”I have no idea what you mean by ‘we’. As far as I was told, I’m the one carrying the weight of this partnership and I’ve been getting on with the work just splendidly.” 

I laughed dryly and glanced over at Remus who was engaged in conversation with Greta. “Cute,” I replied.

Lucius glanced up slyly as I spoke and then over at where I was looking. “Are they?”

My eyes darted back to him. “No, I was speaking to you.”

“You were looking at those two,” he said, shooting a pointed look at their backs. “Not me.”

”So this is the moment you decide you want to treat me like a person? I was speaking to you.”

”Who are they? Friends of yours?”

“I don’t have any friends. You already pointed that out for me,” I said, leaning over the textbook, trying to feign nonchalance.

”Why were you looking at them like that?”

”Like what? I don’t know them.”

He narrowed his eyes, looking between me and them. “So you wouldn’t mind if I went and told them you’ve been staring at them?”

I felt my face flush. “They’re not my friends, so what would I care?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

He studied me carefully. “You’re lying,” he said and spun around to head towards them.

I could have died right there. I sat down and buried my head into the book, blocking out what was happening on the other side of the room. Then I heard Remus’ voice and Lucius’ cold tones in conversation. I felt like my skin was on fire. I forced myself to concentrate on the words in front of me. _What’s taking so long?_ I thought anxiously. I busied myself further by collecting all of the ingredients and began crushing the beetles and stirring the rat tail into the mixture already in the cauldron.   


”It seems you were telling the truth.” Lucius was back. “Neither of them know you. As well as being rude and unremarkable, you also stare at people you don’t know in a way that makes you look like you’re in love with them.”

My mind raced. Why would Remus say he didn’t know me? I glanced over to him. He had his back to me, speaking to her. And I didn’t look like that did I? But why did he say he didn’t know me? And why hadn’t he looked over at me, not even once?

“How sad,” Lucius said, his voice laced with malice.

Was Remus ashamed of me? I felt the familiar pricking in the corners of my eyes. _No_ ,  I thought.  _That’s not me anymore_. _I don’t care._ I raised my head stubbornly, pushing away all thoughts of self doubt, and smiled at Lucius as if we were old friends. “Incredibly. Now, whenever you’re ready, it’s probably time you start pulling your weight.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “I’ve almost finished while you were off on a social call. The professor liking you will have no bearing if the lesson is over and we haven’t finished the potion because you were busy dillydallying. Now, pass me the fish scales will you?”

* * *

  
The stars dotted the sky above Remus and I, where we sat in the Astronomy Tower.

”So you didn’t get a single question wrong?” he asked for the third time. 

“I’m a Ravenclaw," I grinned, bowing dramatically over the chess board between us. “If I can beat you in wizard chess, what makes you think I wouldn’t ace my charms test?”

He snorted. "Yes, fine. Once again proving you're not just a pretty face," he said praisingly, rolling his eyes. 

I felt a sudden nervousness. "You think I have a pretty face?" I asked, still holding a chess piece in my hand.

He looked at me sharply as if just realising what he'd said. "Of course you do," he said, regaining his observational manner. "You know that."

"That wasn’t what I asked," I said self-consciously as I put away the board.

"It's only the same as how you know I read a lot," he said. "You just see it," he said nonchalantly.

I cleared my throat quietly and straightened my back. Then why was he so happy with Greta in Potions? He didn’t look over at me _once_. Even Malfoy looked at me more. And then there was the little matter of claiming he didn’t know me. "Let's play another game," I said.

He raised an eyebrow. "What game?"

I thought about it. "Hypothetically."

"Is that the name of the game?" he asked, looking at me carefully. 

"Yeah," I said, praying he wouldn't see through my feeble attempt of a game.

"I've never heard of that game before."

I said nothing and shrugged one shoulder.

"How do you play?"

"You ask a question, beginning with 'hypothetically', and the other person answers it," I explained.

"Like truth or dare without the dare?"

"Kind of, but it doesn't need to be a personal question. It could be anything at all."

He considered it for a moment. "Okay. Who goes first?"

"Oh!" I said, thinking of a new rule. "And you can't ask the same question you were just asked. It needs to be your own question."

"Are you just making this up as you go?" he asked skeptically.

"Of course not," I lied.

He raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. "Who goes first?"

"I will," I said with a smile and paused to think of a question. "And you have to answer every question honestly," I warned, shooting him a look.

He rolled his eyes. "Would you like to make the Unbreakable Vow?"

I scowled at him. "No. Just play by the rules."

"I will."

"Okay, so..." I thought if my first question and smiled. "Hypothetically, what would you want to do when you leave school, if you'd never gotten your acceptance letter to Hogwarts."

“Well, that would be quite the pickle to begin with, seeing as—“ he looked at me sharply like he didn’t mean to say that.

“Seeing as, what?”

He thought about it for a few moments. I sat and waited, watching him, before deciding to give him his privacy and switched to watching the sky, trying to find constellations in the stars.

"I'd be a teacher," he said finally.

I turned to him and considered his answer. "I can see you as a teacher."

He smiled, slightly bashful. "Thank you. But as I did get the letter, I want to be an Auror."

"Oh, interesting," I said, quite shocked that bookish Remus wanted to be an Auror.

“I want to help people,” he explained. “Although I may not be the right fit for an Auror... it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. What about you?" he asked. "Hypothetically."

"Nope," I said, wagging my finger at him. "No repeats."

He looked at me like he wanted to roll his eyes, but restrained himself. "Okay," he said, taking a long breath as he thought of a question. "Hypothetically, what would you want your patronus to be when we learn to do that?" he asked, taking a sip from his water bottle.

"Oh, easy," I smiled. "A wolf."

He spluttered on his drink. "A wolf?" he gasped, coughing loudly.

"Yes?" I said, looking at him like he'd gone mad. "Why? What’s wrong with that?

He shook his head with a strange look on his face and cleared his throat again. "Nothing! Why a wolf?” he asked. “If you don’t mind me asking,” he added quickly, knocking his nose with his knuckle as he cleared his throat once more.

I followed his movements with narrowed eyes but pressed it no further. "Because they're everything I wish I was. They're symbols of freedom and uncontrollable wildness. They don't care about the things we waste time thinking about. They represent the freedom of being alone and how there's beauty in everything, even something so dangerous. They're incredible," I sighed. "They just represent everything I love, I guess," I said with a shrug.

He said nothing and simply stared at me.

"What?" I asked. "Is there something on my face?"

"That's..." he said quietly. "So bizarre," he finally whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

"Why?" I asked, lowering my voice also.

He looked up sharply. "No, nothing. I was just thinking about something," he said, pushing the topic away. "Your turn."

"My turn," I agreed, holding my gaze on him. "Hypothetically, what's the one food you could never go without?"

He didn't miss a beat before saying, "Chocolate."

"That was a definite answer," I laughed. "Why chocolate?"

“Well,” he said, looking away wistfully. "I didn't have the best childhood... and it always gave me comfort." He looked up at the stars. "Warm mugs of hot chocolate during nights I couldn't sleep, small wrapped pieces from my mums handbag, whole bars I'd smuggle up to my bedroom and devour at once," he looked back at me for a moment. "It reminds me of every warm, safe moment at home. It was the only thing that made me feel better after..." he glanced at me. "Like I said, bad times."

"Wow," I smiled. "I had no idea." I reached for my bag and rooted around for a second. I pulled out a bar of chocolate and placed it in front of him.

"Oh!" he said with surprise. "How much do you have in that bag, exactly?" he asked.

"I like snacks," I shrugged.

"I can't accept this," he said, handing it back to me.

"Yes you can," I said. "We can share if it makes you feel better."

A smile crept onto his face. "Okay then."

He took a piece and while chewing asked, "Hypothetically, what's the best snack food?"

"Oh, a good one!" I said, also with a piece of chocolate in my mouth. "We should start a food club as well as a book club," I joked as he nodded in agreement. "The best snack food..." I said as I considered the question. "Well, honestly, it's not really a snack food, but I think it should be. I carry around a bag of chicken sometimes," I admitted, breaking off another piece of chocolate. "From the breakfast table, I bring a little bag downstairs with me and put it in and enchant the bag to keep it warm throughout the day. It's really good."

"Chicken?" he looked at me with his eyebrows raised and a smile playing on his face.

I sighed. "You may mock, but there's nothing better than having battered chicken on the go."

"Well, battered does make a difference. I was picturing cooked chicken pieces in a bag. I thought you were possibly a psychopath."

"Don't try me. I'll do it, don't think I won't."

"I'll keep an eye out for you tearing a bite out of a chicken leg in the middle of class," he grinned.

"I was actually eating from my chicken bag during potions today," I said and his smile faltered slightly.

"While we were handling toad warts?" he asked, looking disgusted.

"No! Before," I cried, hitting his arm gently.

"Oh, like that’s so obvious. You just told me you carry around warm chicken in a bag," he said, disbelievingly. "Your turn."

"Oh." My face flushed. I needed to ask the question I'd been waiting to ask. I'd already set a segue to make it seem natural, but I was still nervous. "Hypothetically, what if I'd have chosen you?"

"Chosen me?" he asked.

"In potions."

"Oh." He paused for a moment. "What exactly are you asking?"

"Would you have wanted me to?"

He thought about it. "Yes."

"Oh."

"My turn?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Why did you choose him?"

My heart jumped in my chest. "Because he was sat next to me," I said. "It was easier."

"Okay," he said. "What's the real reason?"

"That is the real reason."

He raised an eyebrow slightly. "We work together on your potions homework every week," he said. "I have a hard time believing I wouldn't be the easier choice."

"Maybe I'm just lazy."

"Maybe, but you're not. Do you want to know what I think?"

I said nothing.

"I think you're afraid."

"Of what?" I laughed dismissively.

"Getting too close."

My stomach dropped. "To what?"

He sighed and opened his mouth to say something before seemingly deciding to not. "People," he said, wearily. "Your turn."

"I don't think I like this game anymore."

He raised his chin slightly. "This was your idea."

"It was just a game, before."

"What was just a game?”

"This game," I said, a scowl forming on my face.

"It's your turn," he said plainly.

"I'm tired."

"Okay then."

We sat in silence. The lateness of the night finally started to catch up with me as the things that had been keeping my attention fell away.

"Rem?" I whispered. "Can we stay up here? I'm too tired to go all the way down from here to go all the way up again to my dorm."

He looked around. "I guess," he said, scratching the back of his head as he looked for something. "I'll find some blankets and you could use my bag as a pillow if you'd like. I've got spare robes inside, it's soft."

I smiled gratefully as I pulled it over to me.

He wandered out of sight and came back as I had just closed my eyes.

"You're very lucky," he said, his voice just gentle enough to not disrupt the sleep that was setting in. "I found two throws back there." He gestured behind him. "Here," he said, opening one out over me. "Do you want me close or somewhere else?"

"Don't mind," I mumbled into his bag, nestling down into the blanket.

"The lengths you'll go to to avoid a question," he chucked quietly.

"Goodnight," I muttered.

He walked across the room away from me.

"No," I called out. "Come back."

His footsteps got closer. "You want me to stay?"

"Please," I said so quietly, almost hoping he didn't hear.

He sat a foot away from me and threw his blanket over him.

"Night then," he whispered.

I opened one eye to look at him across from me. He was looking right back at me.

”He told me,” I said quietly. “You said you didn’t know me.”

Remus took a sharp intake of breath. “Ah.”

I said nothing and waited for him to explain.

”I thought you’d prefer it that way.”

I waited further.

”I didn’t know why he was asking and he’d left you alone to ask us if we knew you.”

I flinched slightly at ‘us’.

“What did he say?” I asked, my voice coming out a little higher than I intended.

He took a deep breath. “He said you were staring at us and if we knew you. He obviously had malicious intent so I didn’t want to give him what he wanted.” He twisted his mouth slightly. “I thought I was protecting you, in a way.”

I smiled at him in the dim light, not expecting him to see clearly enough to make it out. But he smiled back.

”Were you?”

My heart hammered in my chest as I knew exactly what he meant. “No,” I said quietly. “I just glanced a few times.”

”Why?”

”I don’t know.”

”Why?” he asked again, gentler than before.

”I wanted to choose you.”

”Me too,” he murmured with a small smile.

I instinctively looked away but returned his smile in the darkness. “Night, Rem.”

He held his smile and closed his eyes. “Sleep well, Clover.”

And I did.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long to get right but I’m really happy with how it worked out, I hope you like it as much as I finally do! The only downside to having FINALLY finished it is, what am I going to do with my time now? Is there anything else outside of the Potions classroom? Not for me anymore. I live there now. All of my thoughts take place there. With Lucius Malfoy, who originally asked Clover if she needed to borrow a hair tie but then he just wasn’t friendly enough to offer hair ties to strangers, and the Diva of Malfoy Manor was put on hold but there will be hair adventures to come. Rapunzel will have her day. And I’ll be there, dust collecting in my pinned up hair, in the Potions classroom forever.


End file.
